Talk:Episode 86 - Nothing but the Number of Tears/@comment-31466279-20171220103652/@comment-32578120-20180104094333

(deep inhalation) (exhales) BOI. I'll try to explain this in lay man's terms.

Alright, I can see why I'd agree with you. Rola was definitely a little emotionally unstable, but she seemed to get over this in season 2.

As someone who can relate to Rola in this way in real life, this issue is very personal to me. All I used to care about in elementary and middle school was... grades. This was because my family pushed me to be the very best in it (they're Asian, of course). This led to me exacerbating a very bad quality of mine: my poor social skills. It led to me sneering down on people and keeping to myself most of the time. Like the lone wolf. Whenever someone did better than me, I used to cry and sulk when I reached home. Wonder, how on Earth is this person better than me? I need to beat them! I can do better than them!

Jump to today. I'm in high school, and I think I've changed. I'm now more relaxed. I understand that I'm going to classes not just for As, but also to learn. I have friends I talk to, and now I even go out with them. I begin my junior year - all IB classes, mind you (look it up if you have no idea what I mean) - expecting to have fun learning and get pleasant grades.

How very wrong I was.

WIth every failing test, every missed assignment that fell upon me during those busy months, I began to cry again! And then I got envious, Envious of one particular girl who was mostly impartial, but was amazingly talented and smart. The rest of the girls in my class surrounded her, looking at her tests and talking calmly to her. I'd go home, and I'd realize, there are just some people who are too amazing. She's one of them.

And then, I'd let it all out. Go cry, pound some walls, something. Because all those years, I'd been holding it in. Though I'd learned to learn with a passion for knowledge, the competitive streak I'd had with other people never died. In fact, it was burning even more brightly - it required stronger fuel (smarter, stronger classmates) to compete against to keep me going. I realized that - even if my rivals were leagues away from me - I absolutely HAD to set my sights on them and at least try to surpass them at that moment. Yes, and I obviously failed miserably. But you know what, it made me stronger.

This is why I didn't tear up when I got my second and third Bs at the end of sophomore year, fall term, but also why I will tear up when I get more Bs at the end of this term. Because back then, I had no competition. Now, I do again.

I am, to this day, trying to surpass my weaker, less powerful self.

Plug Rola in to my place, and she'd probably feel almost the same way. Smart girl = Elza. We (hopefully) are GOING OUR WAY!